Scott, I don’t care that you dated a highschooler. And then dumped her like an accidentally picked up Danielle Steel novel.
Scott, Ramona is so much cooler than you. It’s true. The girl has 7 evil ex-boyfriends! And you only have 1 sort of evil ex-girlfriend. She has brightly coloured hair, which outshines your shaggy brown mop.
Scott, you don’t have a job. I think when I read your later volumes I will understand why, but at the moment I judge you for being a slacker. Mainly because I’m totally jealous.
Scott, I love you anyway. You are the manga, the movie that results when the most awesome parts of the nineties has a love child with the best elements of the noughties/teens. You are like Zelda and Link, World of Warcraft and nerds, like Nerds (the lollies) and my mouth. You are the Nintendo and Super Mario Brothers. In other words, pure chemistry.
Scott. Don’t Ever Change. By the way, I heart your soundtrack.
Reader, I have admitted to you my love of romance books. While some may call it shameful, I call it any reading is good reading! Plus, I just finished a very serious non fiction book, about the rise of Hamas. Don’t my eyeballs deserve a little love (ing)?
Well, as I was scouring the net the other day, I came across a recommendation by the deliciously demon loving Sarah Rees Brennan for a romance author called Loretta Chase. Knowing that Sarah is all about punching the air women are awesome, I had to chase down Loretta. And boy was it worth it! The main character was a former British aristocrat turned courtesan. Not only was she a ‘fallen’ woman, but she was NOT ASHAMED. And her man still fell in love with her, fallen and all. Take THAT all you pure heroines. Being fallen sounds like so much more fun. Not to mention, brings in a lot more money. Not only that, Loretta has a fabulous website about being a history nerd. Oh. My. Georgette Heyer. I think this is the start of a beautiful, and at times dirty, reading relationship.
Speaking of bodice rippers, I have decided to turn my attention to the fabulous Ms. Heyer after reading this review of Faro’s Daughter by Karen Healey. Ah…Karen. Your reviews are pretty much the funniest things ever. Yes…funnier than the Sassy Gay Friend. So…can I steal your style? No? I…really liked your book? Can I…steal it now?
So conclusions from this post. Stealing is not okay. But being fallen, and reading something a little bit naughty and dirty, is totally fine. Even fun! Take that Catholic guilt!
Today at work, I am going to make like it is What Would Jane Do (although more technically, it is What Would Jane’s Characters Do) Day. A rude customer comes in? I’ll respond Lizzy Bennet style and either a) laugh or b) attack like the customer is Lady Catherine de Bourgh. I’m excited. This is going to be GREAT and also more than slightly awkward. WIN!
Reader, I feasted. Not only human flesh as often happens in Carrie Ryan’s The Forest of Hands and Teeth (by the way Carrie, was it really necessary to write a book like The Road for teenagers? Don’t I already have enough emotional damage from reading Mr Cormac McCarthy? DON’T I?). Not even on human souls, as happens in Sarah Rees Brennan’s The Demon’s Lexicon. But on wonderful, glorious, more delicious that human flesh teen fiction. Oh yes. It was a truly wonderful week over here at Casa Lauren. Apart from flesh and soul eating, I also ate up Lili Wilkinson’s Pink and Jennifer Lynn Barnes’ Raised by Wolves. Both of which were kickingass-tastic. And you know what comes out next week? The new Cassandra Clare, and the final book in the Hunger Games…Excuse me while I go have an excitement induced stroke.
Dear Hilary Thayer Hamann,
Firstly, congratulations on having your self published novel picked up by a major publishing house! Maybe it was picked up because everyone said that your novel, Anthropology of an American Girl, was going to be like Catcher in the Rye for girls. My issue with this. Why is Catcher in the Rye only for boys? We can wear cool hunting hats too. Also, I would really lament the day that girls felt inspired by anything that your heroine did. Except for riding bikes. Because riding bikes is a way cool thing to do.
But seriously, Hilary, your book is being sold as a coming of age novel for girls. THIS SHOULD BE MADE ILLEGAL. Your heroine, while interesting at times, seems only to care about her relationships with men. I like boys too! But can we THINK about something else PLEASE? Once a man comes on the scene, her friendships are sidelined. One could go so far as to say they become virtually non-existent. Evie is incomplete without her one true love, and when she doesn’t have him, she mopes around for 3 years, taking shit from a Wall Street douchebag in the process! All this would be fine, I know people struggle when relationships go sour, etc. if only she cared about something, anything else! What about her art? What about her career? We girls do care about those things too you know.
At times I quite liked your novel. It was pretty interesting in bits (although enough with the pseudo stream of consciousness already. Edit people. Edit edit edit.), and I shed a few tears near the end. Especially when Evie showed that she could care about something/someone other than her one true love. But Evie “I’m so gorgeous and tortured and meaningful, everybody wants me” is not the kind of girl that we should admire. I mean, even Bella Swan goes after what she wants. You know what else Bella Swan does that Evie doesn’t? She laughs.
Yes Hilary. Does Evie laugh once? She never laughs with her friends! She doesn’t seem to laugh with her boyfriends. My high school experience was one big embarrassing laugh with my friends. Girls…they often like to laugh.
I’m sorry if this seems harsh Hilary. Maybe I just misunderstood what you were trying to do. And seriously, kudos on this massive achievement. But for your next novel…think about giving the main character career aspirations and a few laughs…please?
Yours in frustration,
Lauren
I have decided that we need a romance book revolution. No more Fabio on the cover! No more dodgy illustrations of sad looking women! We must take action and make romance books appealing once more. And once the covers have been taken care of, we shall rip out the innards of these books and start again. I’m serious. No more women rendered silent by a kiss. Let’s make like Queen Elizabeth the Awesome and have some women in CONTROL. Who’s with me? Now I just have to think of an appropriate name for the revolution…Bodice Rippers R Us? The Pink Revolution? The Hard Word?
Kids! I need some inspiration. So I am resolved to go on a inspiration journey around Sydney, mainly to libraries. I was thinking, a little bit of literature, a dabbling of dirty romance, and maybe some young adult fiction. Wish me luck. It may be a dangerous journey, fraught with perils, but I am determined to come out of the other side with worthy books. If I don’t come out alive (sniff) Emily…I want you to have all of my books.
Over at Persnickety Snark, the countdown of the top 100 teen fiction books ever is ON. I was salivating over the list until I came to Hush Hush at number 54. Prepare for a semi-spoiler, but I absolutely refuse to support any book where the main girl falls in love with a fallen angel who is trying to KILL HER. Girl! That’s when you go to the police! You don’t give him a kiss! Kisses generally don’t deter homicidal crazies! I just read the blurb for the sequel and main girl is worried about losing said fallen angel. HE TRIED TO KILL YOU. Get rid of him and go find yourself a nice nerdy man, who will only kill at video games.
Aside from that, the list has featured some of my favourites, like Saving Francesca, Fire, Howl’s Moving Castle, and Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (which, for the record, has a hot almost sex scene. But is awesome for other reasons too). Ahh teen books. Once I have finished reading Anthropology of an American Girl, I will return to your embrace.
I promise that I will read Eat Pray Love before the movie comes out. I promise that I will stop mocking it for being old womany. I promise that I will give in to the escapism. I promise that I will not make fun of people who want to ‘find themselves’. I promise that I will not choose to see The Expendables over Eat Pray Love. I will promise not to snort with disdain when the Elizabeth Gilbert character worries about carbs. I promise to just enjoy the promise of hot men and fabulous locations. I promise to see Eat Pray Love as aspirational rather than lame. I promise to be more open minded than Elizabeth Gilbert herself.
Will I keep these promises? I’m guessing not- but Elizabeth Gilbert would tell me to be hopeful! So let’s bring on the men…
